I have been on a self inflicted hiatus of sorts. I have had the hardest time writing and was struggling with my voice, my identity, and my direction.
So, I stopped. I stopped writing for myself, I stopped posting to social media, I just stopped. I let myself, for the first time in a long while, be still.
I listened to the sounds of my children playing. I absorbed their laughter and did not document it on my Facebook page. I went camping with my family and did not worry about having cell service or about what I should post. I stopped going through my day searching for little vignettes of my life to share, looking for the most entertaining sound bite.
I just observed and enjoyed. I let myself be me. I let go.
It. Was. Amazing.
I am back now, but with a firmer grasp on who I am. Who I have always been, really. I am going to allow my thoughts to flow organically onto paper and if something worth sharing comes out, I will do so. If not, so be it.
This week I have been teaching the writing half of a writing-photo intensive at the photo project where my husband works. I have been working with a group of 8 girls ranging in age from 10 to 18. I am trying to help them find their voices. I am trying to show them the tools they already possess and how to use them to be heard. I am helping them to tell their stories. It is an amazing experience and I am humbled by their kindness and beauty and immense talent. It is a privilege to work with them.
During today’s writing time I finally broke through my own block and wrote my first poem since last year. I posted it on my other blog, the one no one knows about, Still, here. It is my blog for me. A place for my mind to be still.
I have no idea what the future holds for the Juicebox Confession blog. I will never stop writing, that I am certain of. I just feel a disconnect to the “brand” that rose out of JbC. I will always love it but don’t know if I want it to be a part of my identity.
Either way, I am, as always, so grateful for you all who read my words. I don’t know if I would have continued any of this without your encouragement.