It is that time of year again! Fall is in full swing and everything I love the most about living in New England is in great abundance. October is my favorite month for so many reasons, one of which being Halloween.
Many of you may remember that last year at this time I wrote a little rant about inappropriate kids costumes. For those of you who didn’t catch it, here it is in a nutshell: While perusing the Halloween aisles of a local department store I stumbled across a costume that was a size 2T-3T. (For those of you without kids, that it approximately the size a 2 or 3 year old would wear.) This costume was a leopard, aimed at little girls. Sounds innocent, right?
It was a knee length purple and black dress with short sleeves and a headpiece with pointed ears. No big deal. Except it was a big deal. It was a big deal because this costume didn’t have a speck of leopard print and on the package it was labeled as a “NAUGHTY LEOPARD.”
I will let that sink in for a minute. I know that last year (and this one for that matter) my daughter’s only definition of naughty was (and is) impish behavior. Breaking the rules. This costume did not imply any of that. It implied the other, much more grown up, definition of the word.
Remember what size it was? 2T-3T. What in the WHAT?!?!
So, that was last year’s disgusted rant by the mother of a young daughter, sick and tired of the sexualization of our girls. I demanded we put the creepy back into Halloween. Or at least take away the sex. I don’t care if it sells I am not buying it.
Now that you are all caught up, here we are. 2014. A full year later. I am still a ranty mother to a young daughter but this year I have another daughter on the way. Hormones and momma-bear fierceness have taken control of me. I feel another rant a-coming and you all are going to be privy to it.
I am (as of the morning this will be published) over 8 months pregnant. As you can imagine, I am quite round. My due date is right after Halloween but due to my history and current contractions, our newest little lady may just be here before the spookiest candy fest of the year arrives. My older daughter is ALL about dressing up. Mommy and Daddy are not exempt. Have you ever tried to change the mind of a 4 year old? Yeah, that.
So, I found myself, during the wee hours of the morning, mid insomnia battle, searching for costumes that will fit a very pregnant body AND a post-partum body. It may be easier to find a leprechaun, riding a unicorn, at the end of a rainbow, guarding a pot of gold, than it is to find a costume for me. Apparently since I am a grown woman looking for a costume for Halloween I must obviously want to be a sexy something-or-other.
Every costume I have found will expose more of my lady parts than even my midwife sees. That may be acceptable and desired for some women out there but let’s not forget, I am about to give birth and if she is born before Halloween, I will be mere moments post-delivery. As much as giving birth makes me feel gorgeous, NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT.
Then it dawned on me; maybe I should search for a costume that no one could possibly make sexy. I thought of the perfect character with a forgiving body shape. Animated, wholesome, adorable, hilarious, and ROUND! He was my cartoon doppelganger. I quickly grabbed my laptop and typed in my Google search:
Women’s Olaf Costume.
Let us take a moment again, for those of you out there without children or televisions or radios or any contact with the outside world. Olaf is the summer loving, magical snowman sidekick in the little movie called Frozen. Heard of it?
Anyway, back to my Google search. I entered those three words and hit enter. There it was. An Olaf costume for grown women, just like me. Well, sort of just like me. Just like me except not pregnant or post-partum. Ok, it was an Olaf costume for women just like me if I was a Barbie doll.
Somehow, costume manufacturers and designers who should turn in their sewing machines out of shame had sexified Olaf. A snowman. Three round lumps of snow with a carrot shoved through his head and buckteeth. Sexy Olaf. I was in shock.
The costume was simple. Too simple. It was a hooded mini dress. Pull the hood up over your head and Olaf’s face was printed on it. The dress was printed to resemble his body, minus the actual shape. I feel like I should really emphasize the MINI part of mini-dress.
The good news? If I was still pregnant and went into labor, I could deliver the baby, fully costumed. THAT is how short this dress was. Pretty, right?
I eventually gave up. Clearly the sexy Halloween costume trend has reached an all-time low. There is no sign of it slowing down either. Until we stop objectifying women of all ages and trying to convince them that their worth lies in their sex appeal, I am afraid the trend will stay put.
And, in case you were curious as to what I will be wearing come Halloween, I have decided to don a cape and be the very best role model I can be for my daughters. I will not show the world my body and instead will be grateful for what it has given me and respectfully keep it clothed. I will also be sporting a giant baby belly or a tiny newborn, either way I will look incredible. Not because of my 3 inch hemline, plunging neckline, or exposed midriff, but because of the little girl, dressed as Batman, holding my hand and looking up to me.